I hate Thursdays.

There was a brick on the dirty green rubbish bin stamped MPPP. It was grey in colour, broken into two. God knows where the other half went. Half was on top of the rubbish bin. A rubbish collector opened the lid. It fell on the floor with a loud thud. He ignored it, took out the black plastic bag of unwanted rubbish, let the lid fall back down and moved on to the next house.

"What an idiot," he said when he saw that happen.

No, I disagree. He isn't an idiot. Nobody is. Nobody ever is. There are thoughts running through my mind. This world is unfair. Who could possibly love a job like that, yet to be able to let people criticize on what they do? No, he isn't an idiot. The person saying that sentence is one.

This was how I was raised. Things will always be this way.

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I'm free?

The tension that hung in the class atmosphere two weeks ago weren't really lifted after the last paper. I didn't feel free or overjoyed after handing in that useless piece of essay. Sigh. Maybe.. It'll just stick to me until after SPM is really over. By then, it'll turn me into an emotionless zombie, like what happened to me during PMR. Not forgetting all that frustration I felt after doing absolutely nothing productive for two months. Urgh. I swear I won't let that happen to me this time.

Must-PIA.

Results were bad. Really bad. I mean, SIGH bad. But who am I to complain? I didn't study. I should be taking the blame. Just don't ask me why I didn't. I'll fall into the "Wai no one understand me in this FML world" mood. I get depressed easily. Shit. But I recover quite fast pun. ^.^

Now time to PIA.

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I'm actually counting my blessings lately. You know you know? I'm so happy. I can now kneel down and pray and get up and feel completely normal after kneeling down to pray. ^.^ See, I'm so happy I don't even know what I'm typing. I CAN NOW KNEEL DOWN TO PRAY.

Mom thanked God for that. I thank Him too. I guess He's been there with me since July. I'm so thankful after two and a half months of not being able to do that.

My blood test last week shows a weak positive for anti-nuclear antibody, low percentage of haematocrit, high percentage of neutrophils, and low percentage of eosinophils. Kla, not exactly normal but it's a great improvement from the one I took the month before. ^.^

Haemoglobin reached an all time high pun! I've never been that high on iron since last year. Wheee~~

The only problem I had with my steroids is weight gain and a gassy stomach. Nothing big. I'm so thankful I can tolerate the drug quite well although admittedly, I hate having to swallow it sometimes especially after looking into the mirror. I'm ballooning up like nobody's business. A 180 pound face on a 130 pound body. Which makes me so determined to exercise every single day but to no avail, no positive results. :'(

I've heard of people needing chemo, I'm thankful for not having to go through that. They're using Ritumixab which is used to treat lymphoma and leukaemia too. I've heard of people not being able to tolerate steroids which makes them very agitated and crazy LOL. I hope I'm not that mahuan to be around, but come to think of it, I piss people off quite often lately. LOL.

Believe me, I've talked to many people who has SLE. I had lunch with one yesterday too. She's been off medication for 8 or 9 years now. Inspiring and motivating ma. Better than talking to the SLE counsellor that my mom hated. LOL. The conversation went on like that:

Mom: Have there been any cases where the patients got off medication completely?

Counsellor: No.

Mom: *sulks* Stupid counsellor. How to be counsellor like that.

Of course mom didn't say that out loud. But she was a completely hopeless counsellor.

So yeah. ^.^

Then I also heard that people cannot tolerate Hydroxychloroquine Sulfate which is an antimalarial drug. Puked her head off when she's on it. So thankful I can take it.

I'm so thankful that everything was detected early, not having to wait years and years to come out with a diagnosis. By then my other organs would be in danger.

So thankful for the author of this book A Lupus Recovery Diet which helped me. And the self-healing centre called Cosmique Therapy which I've been going to three times a week to recharge. LOL.

I don't know what helped me. My pescatarian diet, Cosmique Therapy, medication or was it spiritual faith? Anyhow, it's a combination of all those things that made me who I am today. One month after the incident of lying in the hospital bed and not being able to walk.

Then the other day I was in Sports Club library I came across this health book that says for lupus patients, LIFE EXPECTANCY WILL BE SHORTER. LOL WTF IMMA PROVE YOU WRONG BROTHAHHH.

One more thing:

^.^ Monday ^.^ when ^.^ I ^.^ see ^.^ the ^.^ doctor ^.^ I ^.^ hope ^.^ to ^.^ get ^.^ my ^.^ dosage ^.^ lowered ^.^ I'm ^.^ ballooning ^.^ up ^.^