The Junkyard.

*scans results slip* ooh. A A A A A A A and a big fat D to wrap it all up.

Woohoo! I friggin failed Chinese which came as a shock to me, to be honest. Well, I smiled, then cried, and smiled again and then cried. Basically, I did that the whole morning. So what to do now.. Hmm.. I aimed for 6 A's then now I get 7 and failed Chinese. Wow.. I really don't know what to feel. To be happy? Or sad? I got a little depressed though. And then I sort of.. I don't know what to feel. My mom wasn't mad at me, nor did she scold me. She just stood by me and consoled me. Love her.

I can't give up now. But at the same time, I really, really, really want to give up. You see, I don't HATE Chinese. Nor do I LOVE Chinese. I just dis-like it. And don't get me wrong. I do not dis-like the subject, but the process of learning it. I won't deny the fact that China is getting bigger or whatever you'll lecture me about. No. I don't care. I'll just have to learn that subject, love that subject, get that subject in my SPM results slip and my job is done. It's easy for me to say but the thought of doing it...

I'm just no good in Chinese. My mom keeps telling me about my mindset and how I shut everything up when I get an idea [Am I that stubborn?]. I've been learning it for 9 years. I only started dis-liking the subject in the 4th year. Because of something. And it's been stuck like that ever since. I don't want to put the blame on anyone or anything. I'll just blame myself then. For not learning the subject properly. It just doesn't give me the chance to say 'I love you Chinese! I'm looking forward to the day of your exam to prove myself!'. I just run away from it. Like I always do.

* I use dis-like because it still has the word "like" in it unattached. LOL.

My mom keeps telling me to accept it as a challenge. I'm tired of it. 9 years is really long. Will 2 more hurt? I really want to give up..