Feelings.

Sigh. I dont know what to say. I want to feel pretty. I want to have a head full of hair. I will heal. I will get better. Because if i dont i wont know what else to do anymore. Yeah it's not a life threatening disease or whatever. *deep breath* but i can't get over it. You know how much hair i'm losing one day? I'm scared. I'm actually desperate. I went for ayurvedic the day after i went to see the western doctor. And i'm having three types of chemicals on my head everyday. I hate the smell of the oil. It clogs up my nose i feel like i want to vomit. I have that on for one hour, wash it off and then apply the herb extract on my spotties. Then the topical con something steroids at night. I dont take the western medicine though. It's for anxiety. See? Even a doctor has to give me medicine for anxiety. I dont believe that pills can control your emotions. If i'm really anxious, it's caused by by the problem not the other way around. Pills can only control the chemicals secreted by the brain for certain emotions. It doesnt solve the problem for you. It's sort of like taking drugs. I get this mood swings daily. Sometimes i feel so down and sometimes i feel really happy. But mostly i just feel indifferent. I drink 3 litres of water everyday since the day i got that jab in hopes of washing all the chemicals out of my body. Please lah. It's chemicals ok! It shouldnt be in my body. I hope i get well before the next shot. I dont want to have sleepless nights again. I wake up like 3 times at night. If all else fails, ah i'll be like one of the bald models on tv. Proud of who i am. But for now, i still dont know if i can get through this process. I hope i get well. Because if i dont. Well.. *shrugs*