My Dreams.

When I was young, what did I dream of? To be an artist. Because I loved arts. I loved painting or colouring a blank piece of paper to make it full of colours. To make it beautiful, to make it the way I want it to be. I loved handcrafting. I loved Neil Buchanan! That was when I was in kindergarten. Oh and did I say I was fascinatied with books titled "The Human Body"?  I can sit there and read for them for hours. But I was faithful to arts. I just wanted to be an artist. But I just didn't see the world yet, under mom and dad's protective care.

Ok lor. So after knowing that the world don't appreciate artists, I went for something else. What was it? Zoology? Seems interesting. Since I loved animals so much. Was then when I started watching a lot of Animal Planet instead of Disney Channel. I LOVED STEVE IRWIN! Was very sad when I heard the terrible news when I was taking my UPSR. I actually thought of being a vet too. Hmm. But then I can't see a dog die in my hands. And and and hmm. I just didn't have passion? Neh. Anyway, my passion for zoology continued for quite some time, until I got to know that my cousin who studied marine biology has to work in a zoo to wash or scoop elephant poop and couldn't find any proper job (although now he did). But why study something and not practice it? So I changed lor.

Then naturally I has some problems. Hmm. I don't want to talk about it, but I actually ended up seeing a psychologist when I was 10. That was the biggest downfall through my 16 years of life. And I got to realize I wanted to help people. To help people the same way as he tried to help me. In my opinion, I don't think seeing a 'shrink' means you are a lunatic. Sometimes people have problems and the just need someone to talk to. Especially when, like now, everyone has stress. Stress to do well, stress to succeed in life, stress to feed the family, stressed because of worry, fear, anxiety, anger. You have to release those negativity out at times.

LOL. And some people associate psychology with religion and that's weird.. But yeah. If you ask me why psychology and not psychiatry the answer is simple. Because one uses medicine to 'cure' and the other one uses therapy to cure. Personally, I don't think by using medicine, you can cure mental illnesses. 'Illness' is a bit too harsh I expect? You see, when you go and see a psychiatrist and lets say.. you are always anxious. It's affecting your physical health and you can't sleep at night. What does he do? He dispenses anti-anxiety pills for you! Lexotan, maybe? But think.. Can you rely on that medicine forever? Don't forget, western medicine has side effects. Whereas in psychology, you use therapy to treat patients. You talk to them, you understand them, you slowly guide them to the correct path. No medicine. Isn't it better?

Sure lah. The doctor easier ma in psychiatry. Give medicine only what. The doctor also help patients, he also no need to go through the pain of hearing other people's stories. Sorry I'm not that kind of person. And then I changed my mind again.

Since I had Alopecia. LOL. I went to see a dermatologist a few months back. Then I realized I wanted to help people and find cure to different diseases. I want to work in a research centre or a science lab to discover cure for different diseases because I felt the frustration of not really knowing what can cure you and you end up spending a few thousand dollars without really knowing if it can or cannot cure you. Sure, alopecia, go to the doctor, get some steroid shots, apply some corticosteroids, eat some anxiety pills then bam! You have hair growing like bamboo shoots. Some people really do get frustrated when nothing works for them. I felt it myself. That's why I would want to be a doctor someday. Not the sit-in-the-clinic-and-meet-patients type but the research type. Hmm. But that lady I talked to just now sounds discouraging. LOL. And I don't know if I have the qualifications and results to persue that path.

And another important thing: I hate Chemistry. So I'll just go back to psychology. But I'm afraid I may go crazy. Really. If I meet mental patients everyday. I MEAN IF. So yeah. Between those two.

See SPM how lah.